NASA shifts goals from Moon to Jupiter to feed the world after discovery of a giant pepperoni pizza on Jupiter's north pole
NASA's Juno spacecraft is currently studying Jupiter to better understand the planet and the origins of our solar system. The Juno mission was launched on August 5, 2011. It arrived at Jupiter on July 4, 2016. It is the first spacecraft to use solar power at such a great distance from the Sun. Until recently, nothing spectacular occurred. Ho hum, just another gas giant. But a recently unclassified photo of Jupiter's north pole reveals that it is actually covered in a colossal pepperoni pizza! Enough to feed the world for a long time.
While scientists are still working on calculating the size of this culinary delight, early estimates are that it is actually larger than Chicago and New York put together, forever laying to rest the question of which of those cities is the pizza capital of the universe.
NASA engineers are now trying to decide whether to bring the entire pie home to Earth in a single piece, or maybe use Juno's solar cell arrays as a pizza cutter to make the task more manageable. Elon Musk has offered to have Starship 4 ready for flight in a few months and believes Spacex can not only bring the entire pizza to Earth, but also pickup his beloved red Tesla roadster, which is currently speeding around the solar system still playing David Bowie's Star Man on the radio. Elon thinks it would be really awesome for folks to answer the door to find a bedraggled Starman standing on the porch with a pizza box and waiting for a tip.
Elon Musk says his engineers are working on re-entry trajectories that will use the Jovian delicacy's bubbly cheese as a heat shield, ensuring that the first person to try a bite will blister the f*** out of their tongue, just like Earth pizza. These efforts are currently stymied by not knowing if the pizza is thin or thick crust. NASA says that no matter what happens, "They ain't puttin' pineapple on it".
The owner of a pizza shop in Pahrump, Nevada claims to actually be an alien and that his great grandfather first brought pizza to Earth from Jupiter, but found it difficult to spin the dough for such a large pie here, due to the fact that Earth is flat.
The rest of Jupiter looks like a big jawbreaker. Plans to bring it back to Earth were nixed by every dental organization in the world.
Sheldon DeVaign
RRNN Science reporter - Since he was a small boy, this reporter excelled in things like model rockets and blowing school bathroom toilets off the walls. After prison, he took up journalism since there didn't seem to be many background checks done in the industry.